1. Rudy’s Karaoke. Once upon a time, singing at Rudy’s was a pleasant experience to such a degree that I would occasionally even go by myself (not #swug, but #swag). Recently, however, the DJ has fallen under the impression that he is a judge on NBC’s “The Voice” and has started stopping me from singing mid-song. Once, when my friend asked him if he’d intentionally cut me off, the DJ claimed the machine was “broken.” Luckily for everyone involved, the machine seemed to be working fine one minute later. Fuck you, Rudy’s Karaoke DJ. I will not miss you.

2. Sororities. Though I admit that sororities at Yale are the cream of the crop, way more serious than they are state schools (lol), they still hold no place in my heart.  I especially lament the fact that sorority girls travel in packs, because after a Pi Phi-Law School mixer or whatever is this week’s “funnest” party, they’ll walk into Toad’s, thereby dropping the odds of my going home with someone by 100. Give a girl a chance, sisters!

3. Hook Up Culture. Enough said.

4. People Who Hate the Hook Up Culture: When life hands you lemons, DFMO. Instead of bemoaning every Yale man’s utter lack of humanity and/or feelings, look on the bright side! Hookup challenges take something kind of depressing and make it fun. Hence: the Seven Year Club, the Residential College Challenge, and Rumpus’ Hookup Bingo. If you have not made some sort of effort to accomplish one of the three, it’s time to re-evaluate your life choices. People who don’t fill out Rumpus Hookup Bingo, I will not miss you.

5. Society Talk. Blatant name-dropping of one’s own membership is nauseating, transparent, and awkward for everyone involved. Letting everyone within a 6-mile radius know that you’re in a “landed” society isn’t fooling anyone into thinking you’re now best friends with the ten people you’re sitting next to at the Dramat show or that kid who you hadn’t talked to since you borrowed his saline solution during FOOT.

6. Getting kicked out of Sig Chi. This has happened to me three or four times, and though I wasn’t officially kicked out, it was strongly suggested to me that I leave. This was both humiliating and depressing. My advice to you is this: if you ever feel like you are about to get kicked out of a frat, just try not to cry. And then leave as quickly and as quietly as you can. Do not scream “I WANT TO STAYYYY” (like I…someone close to me…once did)—this will make people think you’re weird.

7. Not knowing whether or not to say hi to someone sober that you are only friends with when you’re drunk.

Because I’m a little sentimental, here are some Things I Will Miss about Yale:

"You should probably get off the couch." #truth

1. Steven Berry. My mom once told him I had a crush on him (true story)….call me maybe?

2. Being told “You should probably get off of the couch.”

3. Eskimo Sisters. This one is along the lines of the “make the best of a bad situation” mantra that was the residential college challenge. Trying to gain Eskimo Sisters is another fun way to make Toad’s less painful. It turns Toad’s into less of a, “omg I need to DFMO someone” thing, and more of a “Let’s DFMO the SAME person!!!” thing. Now, becoming Eskimo Sisters with your ten closest friends is easier said than done, and I’m not in any way endorsing hitting on your best friend’s ex—so gather the troops and find somebody else’s ex.

4. SAE Late Night. I include this frat scene mainstay despite the fact that my first attempt to crash the “party” that is SAE Late Night resulted in my being told by one of the brothers that I couldn’t get in because “you can’t wear themed clothes to a party that’s not themed.” FYI, hipster-hating asshole, I was wearing normal clothes and black glasses. But I still love this place. Where else can you see eleven guys simultaneously pee on the same fence (so manly!) and then at 2 a.m. watch a bunch of angry DKE brothers perform a striptease to the song “Rude Boy.” Such a classic Yale experience—one that is best enjoyed while intensely intoxicated. (Pretentious attire recommended.)

5. Underclassmen. These are the people who still get excited by Box, who can’t say no (take note, DKE), and who don’t judge you for going to Est Est Est AND Insomnia Cookies in one night. I spent most of October asking myself, “Why are all my friends freshmen?!” until I realized: freshmen are fucking awesome. Whoever invented the word sophomoric is my mortal enemy because I love sophomores too.

After meeting Aly Moore, there is no question that she is the most competent and sexy candidate for UOFC Chair. After serving on UOFC for two years, she knows what works and will work. That and have you seen that girl in a pair of Daisy Dukes? DAYUM!

As UOFC Chair, she intends to increase transparency of the organization, facilitating contact between the administration and student groups. She would also make it easier for student groups to receive funding (and hopefully throw some dolla dolla billz in Rumpus’s direction). Furthermore, she is easily the candidate best-positioned to lead the in the UOFC’s primary initiative for next year: a conversion to the UOC (Undergraduate Organizations Committee). She helped write the proposal, which will increase the responsibility the UOFC has and make it a more independent body from the YCC.

And how could we forget her photo campaign—Literally a bunch of friends (@Secretary candidates: learn from this chick) doing pelvic thrusts to the slogan “Let’s do Moore.” Rumpus wouldn’t think to endorse any other candidate for UOFC Chair. We’d totally do Moore and you should too.

Joey Yagoda for Treasurer
by Sofia

Because Joey believes that YCC should use its power to have the Harkness bells play “Call Me Maybe.”  Joey has also proved his dedication to YCC by never having missed a YCC Foam Party regardless of the fact that attending Foam is a surefire way to pick up a slew of diseases in one night. And because Joey thinks that he should handle our money “cause I can make it rain”.  If Rumpus hasn’t convinced you to vote for Joey yet, then we’ll point out that Joey was highly involved in two successful YCC efforts: Gender Neutral housing and sophomore seminars, has been involved in FCC, the Calhoun College Council and has already served as a YCC representative. While we love Nathan Kohrman and would like nothing better than Money in the BaNK, we have already vowed to be loyal to the entire Yagoda family #loveyoumaria

Kyle Tramonte for YCC Secretary
By Christina

The decision about who to support for YCC Secretary was a tricky one: both candidates are freshmen with none-too-impressive photo campaigns (how are we supposed to know who to endorse if we don’t know exactly how well-connected you are?! Come on now, freshmen). But in the end, we chose the candidate most after our own heart: current FCC secretary and sweet southerner, Kyle Tramonte. Rumpus loves two things above all others: partying and beauty. The decorations in our 50 most nominee shrine underground drinking lair make this completely obvious. So Kyle is the perfect candidate for us. He is running his campaign by making himself as visible as possible on campus, trying to socialize as much as possible, while still remaining a functional student. Read: parties a ton while keeping his shit completely together and spearheading a kick-ass campaign. Rumpus can’t even do the first two on a regular basis so we have tons of respect for Kyle as he has somehow managed to do all three. And just look at that perfectly done coif in his campaign picture: that shit takes practice and it’s nothing short of gorgeous. We love a good hairdo.
The two candidates in this election have very similar platforms: they both want to increase access to a list of events happening on campus, through a newsletter and changes to the YaleMobile app. They both advocate dining plan reforms to varying degrees and have pledged to work on these as members of YCC. Additionally, Tramonte has expressed an interest in reforming tailgating – an issue Rumpus takes very seriously. That is why, differences in experience aside, Rumpus trusts Tramonte. He’s accessible, genuine, and would make a great YCC Secretary.

Daryl Hok for Vice President
By Eamon

Why Daryl Hok?

In addition to being all-around hilarious, Rumpus is punny. In fact, one of our jokes from our last issue almost made it into a book of children’s puns compiled by Rosie O’Donnell — http://i2.listal.com/image/2249823/200full.jpg. Daryl Hok’s campaign centers itself on the pun “Hok the Vote.” We approve. So does Rosie.

Why not Debby Abramov (ES ’14)?

While Debby seems dependable enough, we can’t think of any fun puns for her name at this time.

Bryan Epps for Events Director
by Dilan

After sufficiently stalking Bryan on Facebook and seeing how many party photos he has with many different kinds of people from Swedes to people rocking various pinnies, we have no doubt that Bryan Epps is the right man for the Events Director position. His experience working with YCC this year has also established the connections that will make all of Yale feel like they’re getting VIP access to the party. Also, have you seen Bryan Epps rocking those tight-ass red pants?? Now that is a kid we KNOW does it better.

Quinn Zhang for YCC Tsar: (But of course, keep reading…)

By Dilan

After reading the platforms on Quinn Zhang’s (MC’14) website (http://quinnzhang.com/ ), Rumpus instantly fell in love with his ideas: Building a love hotel above Toad’s? Mandating A’s (for everyone but STEM majors)? And best of all, ending the stream of people knocking on our doors convinced that we actually wanted to listen to their platforms when we really just wanted their cookies/candy? Quinn Zhang has our vote, despite the fact that he is reportedly a philosophy section asshole.

Truth be told, none of the presidential candidates had the entire package this year. So seeing as how most of us don’t have the energy to write in stand out candidate Quinn Zhang’s name on the ballot, who you should vote for depends on what you’re looking for:

Hotness: Cristo Liautaud (DC ’14). This is the guy we would want as the poster boy of Yale. We have no idea how we missed him for 50 Most this year, but thank God someone peeled him out of a Lacoste perfume ad and put him on this campus. Cristo has a lot of ideas, but in terms of novelty and vast improvement, we’re not sure he outshines either of the other two.  His platform includes continuation (Trash to Treasure, Mental Health), development of tech on campus, and ooh, Homecoming! We love the Homecoming idea and the continuation of huge events. At one point we really wished he ran for Events Director because we definitely would have backed his shmexy ass. But we’re not really sure if we need even one dining hall open until 9pm, the other two also have tech aspirations in their platform, and we’re scared that the inevitable stress that comes with being president may reduce his hotness. Long story short, there’s definitely more to this kid than being an SAE bro, we love him, and we’d definitely tap his ass—but maybe not for YCC President this year.

Likability: Hands down, Eric Eliasson (BK ’14). Eric is the kid that you want to take home to your mum and say, “See, I told you I could find someone normal to love me!” This former 50 Moster/former FCC chair/YCC Berkeley rep has ideas that include Yale Photo ID Change, Campus-Wide Events Calendar (echoed by other two candidates), and most importantly, GETTING TAILGAITING BACK SO WE CAN GET OUR DRANK ON! God, we love Eric Eliasson, and he definitely think he has the YCC experience under his belt that would serve YCC well.

Conviction: Much to Rumpus’ surprise, John Gonzalez (ES ’14) convinced us that he is the most ready to be YCC president next year.  Although we didn’t really like his campaign video, during his interview he didn’t make eye contact half of the time, and sometimes he just looks straight up out of it, this kid still knows how to get shiyat done. As SoCo president this past year, he demonstrated an ability to organize events and effectively lead/communicate with a council. Although he does have several platforms that are encompassed in the other two’s, there were a few standouts that if he’s elected would actually be pretty refreshing to see: Pushing back the Credit/D/Fail deadline, putting more outlets in Commons, paying Student Coders to do the tech shiyat YCC has been relying on one person to do (#loveussomedanstein).

Really, these three candidates have pretty similar platforms, Eliasson and Gonzalez have more YCC experience, and Cristo is the hottest (and actually has demonstrated leadership ability outside of YCC). However, for those of you that actually care about YCC’s ability to facilitate improvements to student life, Gonzalez has a slight edge over the other two as a presidential candidate. He has proven that he can effectively lead a council, he definitely seems ready to take on an even bigger feat, and if he hires an anti-awk coach, we could see him fairing pretty well as BLevin’s successor.

————

But again, nobody really impressed Rumpus more than Quinn Zhang and his outstanding idea to get rid of this entire process altogether. See y’all next year at the Love Hotel!

Living Social Escapes (aka another Groupon Getaways) just offered this great “escape” to a questionable motel, hotel, holiday inn type place in Brandford, CT citing Yale as the main attraction. 65 of these excellent deals were purchased. We expect that 63 were purchased by Asians.

http://www.livingsocial.com/escapes/206350-new-haven-hotel

Our favorite quote from the article speaks for itself:

“Don’t think of this Escape as a cheat sheet––think of it as a study buddy guaranteed to make sure your next getaway graduates summa cum laude.”

• Intergalactic Studies
• Motel Management
• Theoretical Rodents
• Political Correctness
• Hydroponics
• Functional Alcoholism
• Football
• Musicals
• Communication (It’s no more ambiguous than Humanities.)
• Juggalo Studies
• Taylor Swift Studies
• Consulting
• Chinese Language & Accents
• Money Juggling
• Applied Farmville
• Acronym Studies

Now that we think of it, some of them might be better as minors (that’s what she said?).  But you get the point.

Do you think that you’re better than the best white rappers on the streets, Eminem and Vanilla Ice?

I’d like to think it’s more like Vanilla Ice
But… you golf…Have you at least ever been shot? All the good rappers have been shot….

I’ve played golf since I was three. I got recruited from the damn golf team. I wish I had a struggle story. I wish I could say I got shot 18 times—-but I shoot 18 holes. I used to write rap lyrics walking down the fairway on the back of a scorecard in the middle of a tournament.

What made you decide to start rapping?

I never decided, it fell into my lap. It wasn’t like, “Yo, I wanna be Eminem or yo I wanna be Mac Miller, gotta get tattoos all over my body—that’d be great and all, but it was simpler than that. Bradley and I started in high school senior year. I had a shitty mic in my closet and we messed around just for fun. We’d get these horrible instrumental quality tracks from the internet and I dunno, we just started.

How did you get started?

We wrote all the songs out before, rehearsed them, and then went to a professional studio in Orlando. It’s a very time consuming process, but if you love doing it, it doesn’t matter.

So the other half of High Def is back in Florida. Is having a long distance relationship hard?

It’s really tough, no homo, but yea, I miss Brad! We text and talk a lot, sometimes Skype. Half of what we talk about is music and coordinating what we can do with it: “Yo you hear that new Drizzy? That Mac Miller shit? Chyeeeaaa boi!” You know.

Do you feel a battle of passions between golf and rap?

No! They’re totally independent of each other. I play golf and that’s a huge part of who I am, but so is rapping. In fact I have a song for the golf team, you can check it out on Youtube.

…We’ll do that….

Do you suffer from #whiteboyproblems?

A lot of people think we’re some rich, white kids that pay the blogs to talk positively about us and that’s not true. We don’t pay the blogs shit to do anything. We send them the songs and they do what they want with it. Besides, what does being white and so called rich have to do with anything? Bottom line: Let’s smoke and listen to my tracks

HEAR HEAR!

Tell us about your new album, “It’ll be Okay”

Yea we’re proud of the album. It’s named after the title track, “It’ll Be Okay,” for which we have a music video. We recorded nine tracks over the summer. The majority of the songs are party tracks, but some tracks try to take it deeper and really express ourselves. We’ve definitely grown from our first album musically and lyrically, so go get that shit! It’s on iTunes!

So now that you’re finally famous on campus, when’s the tour?

We’re not famous yet! (laughs) But that’s the bitch about being separated—we can’t do shows. But we are gonna try and do Battle of the Bands and open for Spring Fling.

What do you want to say to all the haters?

Listen, we love what we do. Yea I play golf, yea we’re white, but that’s not important. It’s all about the music at the end of the day! Obviously you can be whatever race and rap—I think I’ll be better at rap than Tiger Woods will ever be at golf because I put my heart and soul into it. And leave the hoes alone.

Well said Mr. Weinand. There it is folks, much to our chagrin, High Definition is not a duo of wannabes rocking argyle and khakis stuffed up their ass cracks (although Carson does wear it at practice– “I got that good argyle from grandma. I owe her a track…”). They may be new on the scene, but their tracks are hot, so buy their shit so they take Itunes’ top spot!

They’re latest album It’ll Be Okay is available on iTunes and shiyat

Indeed, even the late Steve Jobs—may he rest in peace in the iCloud forever—stole ideas from other companies (Xerox did desktop icons first, Stevie!). However, that’s the thing about genius—genius doesn’t care whether or not it’s your idea. Genius is entitled to whatever genius wants, and you goddamn proles better realize that and stop bitching.

The latest bit of genius at Yale centers about Twitter, like so many of today’s visionary “innovations”. Enter @Yalefruitreport, the newest Yale-themed account to grace the interwebz. Run by two pioneers—known only as “Eli” and “Nathalie”—they’ve taken the existing “Twatter” format and tweaked it into something at once intimately recognizable yet unfamiliar: they’ve set up an Internet platform to let Yale students in on where the best fruits are in all of the dining halls.

Let that sink in for a moment. You’ll never again have to wonder whether Saybrook dining hall has good kiwis (they don’t, and never will) or if Trumbull has non-shitty tangerines (it’s more than possible): they do all of the legwork—and most of the digestion—for you! They put their stomachs on the line for us, the students. Day in and day out, “Eli” and “Nathalie” are on the front lines of the battle for palatable fruit, working without pay or thanks, true fruit ninjas fighting the good fight.

If that’s not bravery (seriously though, have you ever seen an edible apple from Commons in November?), we here at Rumpus (@YaleRumpus, for you assholes who aren’t following us yet) don’t know what is. We’re with you, “Eli” and “Nathalie”! Never doubt the nobility of your crusade.

Oh, and everybody follow them on Twitter. After all, how else are you supposed to get the latest dish on fruit?