In honor of the warm(er) weather, Rumpus has decided to stay inside and compile a list of the top 3 best news articles of February. You will notice that none of them have ANYTHING to do with Valentine’s Day, summer employment, Mary Miller, or having to pee during class. Because those things make us uncomfortable.
We tried to write some commentary on these articles, but we highly recommend you follow the links, because the first two articles are especially engrossing. And let’s be honest, what else are you going to do during section?
1 . “Cat Looks like Lord Voldemort so Can’t Find New Family” (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1355548/Cat-looks-like-lord-Voldemort-Harry-Potter-villain-new-family.html.)
Rumpus rarely reads an article this good, even in our own illustrious publication.
First off, it makes the bullet-proof case that some stray cat in England, named Charlie, looks exactly like Lord Voldemort. But the especially astounding thing about this article is how many interviews were conducted for it, and how much of it survived the editing room chopping floor–it’s got to be more than 1,000 words long. (Or maybe it just seemed long because we kept stopping to stare at the gorgeous photos of Charlie’s feline elegance.)
2. “Married GOP Congressman Sent Sexy Pictures to Craigslist Babe” (http://gawker.com/#!5755071/married-gop-congressman-sent-sexy-pictures-to-craigslist-babe).
We love Craigslist photos, especially of middle-aged guys. We love them even more when they’re of actually-kind-of-attractive middle-aged guys. And then we love them MOST when they’re of attractive, middle-aged, married…congressmen.
These photos were emailed to Gawker.com by some woman in Maryland who was “accidentally” exchanging sexy emails (except they’re not that sexy, if you read the article) with said Congressman.
We don’t have anything more to say about this, except that for all you fame whores out there, Rumpus has discovered a new strategy for finally getting on national television: step one, become a Congressman; step two, spout conservative ideals at all given opportunities; and step three, cheat on spouse. And if that doesn’t work? Marry future Congressman, because you will get cheated on and everyone will pity you for three days. It’s probably easier than getting on The Real World.
3. “Immigration officer fired after putting wife on list of terrorists to stop her flying home” (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1351937/Immigration-officer-fired-putting-wife-list-terrorists-stop-flying-home.html)
We liked this article because there are certain people in the world we would definitely do this to. That is–put them on our nation’s terrorist suspect list, if we could. Also, we like the complete lack of information the article gives us. What were the guy’s motivations for ruining his wife’s life for three years? Did they have kids? How did she spend her time in Pakistan?
But these questions aren’t important. What is important, apparently, is that the the British Home Office is now under even more scrutiny from Parliament, because there was already the problem of some randos sneaking into England via attaching themselves to the bottoms of buses. (We feel like whoever did that should get citizenship as a reward for being so creative. Like really? You’ll give citizenship to Katy Perry when she marries Russel Brand–a life choice which, due to space limitations, we don’t have time to discourage or lament–but you won’t give it to some creative acrobat types?)
And, on that upbeat note, we wish you happy reading for the rest of the month.