President: Tie between Brandon Levin (DC ’13) and Rustin Fakheri (BR’ 12)
Why Brandon Levin: Brandon Levin fulfills the two central criteria for a great YCC president in that he is both attractive and popular. However, he has also run one of the impressive campaigns in Yale history. Although candidates were not allowed to publicly campaign until last Thursday, Brandon’s classmates insist that he began his campaign on the third day of Camp Yale 2009 when he started shaking hands and making friends with people who he may or may not have actually liked. The following September, Brandon took his campaign online, sending vote requests friend requests on Facebook to every single freshman on campus. He now has 2539* Facebook friends, and he has never forgotten to say please vote for me happy birthday to any of them. This means he sends seven birthday wishes a day. If that’s not a seamless campaign strategy then we’re not sure what is. *by the time you finish reading this article Brandon Levin will have 2544 friends.
Why Rustin Fakheri: Rumpus is friends with Rustin. Rustin in the beating heart of YCC. No one is determined like Rustin. __________________________________________________________________ Treasurer: Eric Eliasson BK’14
Why Eric Eliasson: Eric is the only candidate for Treasurer to be nominated for 50 Most Beautiful. Rumpus only wants what is best for the school.
<——-Can we please have our hat back.
Why not Cece Xie: Although we love CeCe’s poster (http://www.facebook.com/cece.xie), we’re concerned she actually stole her puns from Rumpus’s 1999 campaign for Treasurer of our 5th grade class. You be the judge: ————>
Why not Kwabena Boateng: As a campus feminist, Rumpus questions the appropriateness of Kwabena’s campaign poster(see below), in which he directly compares female body parts to swine. Don’t worry, we have already submitted this image to the Title IX Investigation Committee.
Why not Archit Sheth-Shah: Rumpus learned a long time ago not to trust people with hyphenated names. For more on this topic see: Jean-Paul Sarte, Maddox Jolie-Pitt, O-Town. ______________________________________________________________ Events Director: Katie Donley ES’13
Why not James Campbell: James Campbell was in charge of the Spring Fling committee that tricked Rumpus into thinking Michelle Branch was coming to campus. We’re not really sure what would lead someone to break the hearts of 4,000 students in a span of three hours but if you see James, please ask him. Also ask him if he can refund the $800 we spent on plane tickets to New Haven for our parents so they could see their favorite female pop artist live at Yale. _____________________________________________________________ Vice President: Omar Njie SM’13
Why Omar Njie: Omar once delivered a baby in Africa. The parents later named their child Omar in his honor. Rumpus also delivered a baby once, except it was in Canada, and the parents didn’t name him Rumpus. They named him Justin. (<3 you Biebs).
Why not Kat Lau: Ms. Lau is currently dating James Campbell. I think we’ve already voiced our opinion of James above.
Why not Ivan Fan: Even our interest in watching freshman try to do things they are largely unqualified for is outweighed by our love of Omar Njie. _____________________________________________________________ Secretary: Does it matter?
Without a handwriting sample, Rumpus feels uncomfortable choosing who would be better at taking notes during YCC meetings. (Or as silliwin01 phrased it on a YDN comment board: “Abstain. This position is meaningless”. )
THIS JUST IN: Matt Williams, candidate for YCC secretary, has actually submitted a handwriting sample. It looks nice, although slightly effeminate which I guess are kind of the same thing. Rumpus now officially endorses Matt Williams BK’13.
______________________________________________________________ UOFC Chair: Allen Granzberg DC’13
Why Allen Granzberg: Things Allen Granzberg likes on Facebook: Maury, “going to Yale”, Russian Jews, “The Fix with the Nigerian Ninja”, “dark haired girls are better looking .”