A Nightmare on York Street

Andi vonHilsheimer

10:00 PM (30 minutes till HalloWoads)

At the pregame, the upperclassmen’s warnings loop through my head like Stacy’s Mom loops at a frat party. They spoke of a giant, well-coiffed monster that hunts drunken females at Woads and takes them back to its lair. Freddy CREWger, it’s called. Filled with doubt and dread, the fear almost drives me to go back to my dorm and binge watch Riverdale, but then I remember how far I’ve come.

I’m wearing a motherfucking tutu as a shirt. I did my makeup to “How Do You Sleep?” by Jesse McCartney, and it took at least twenty minutes. My angel wings cost $9.78. In other words, I am in way too deep to turn back now.

10:30 PM (2 minutes till HalloWoads)

I’m disoriented. Confused. It’s probably because I’m super fucked up, but no one can know for sure. The ominous warnings of upperclassmen before me have long left my mind. I am ready to drop it lower than my Econ midterm grade. I was born for this night.

11:30 (58 minutes into HalloWoads)

Suddenly, the fun aura of the night changes into something much darker, much more sinister. A tall, blonde figure appears from the dark, his eyes ravenous for the flesh of a female. I am filled with horror. The warnings of Freddy CREWger reemerge in my head. He staggers over to our group and snatches my friend. By the time we realize she has been abducted by this fiend, they are both out of sight. The remaining survivors and I exchange glances; we wonder who will be the next victim.

My friend never comes back.

12:00 (1 hour 28 minutes into HalloWoads)

More and more of my female comrades are being whisked away by Freddy CREWgers. Our numbers are dwindling, and I’m scared. In an attempt to find safety, I do what any girl would do when she needs more attention; I find an elevated surface to dance on. Just when heads are turning to see my distress, an angry man tells me “Get the fuck down!” Out of the corner of my eye, I see a huge, European looking figure approaching me. I sprint into the chaos of the dance floor, panicking.

12:30 (1 hour 58 minutes into HalloWoads)

I travel to the untouchable solace for all drunk girls, the bathroom. Inside, females are shrieking, their makeup smeared and their faces sweaty. One is wearing a Girl Scout costume and doesn’t know what day it is. I fear for her safety.

1:01 (1 minute post Woads)

The blaring music finally ceases, and light fills the room. I realize now that the horror is over. I look around for my friends to celebrate this victory, and I realize that I am the last girl left. I am the only one that Freddy CREWger has not taken. Relieved (and also slightly offended), I return to my empty dorm. I take off my tutu shirt and makeup, still shaking. Sweaty, and high as shit, I look into the mirror and think of the friends I have lost.

I am a survivor of Hallowoads.


Yale Rumpus